The Dyke Whisperer

Here’s some rhetorical questions concerning a situation that most of us either have faced or will face:

How long before we let what once was a spectacular, fulfilling relationship go on before we finally pull the plug? How many chances do we either extend to ,or accept from, the woman who was once our everything? When do we say enough?

Discounting infidelity, abuse, or addiction issues, when is it really over?

How can you say “no” to a reconciliation with the woman who brought you more happiness than anyone else? How can you balance the past, present, and future with her? And, above all, how do you apply logic and reason to matters of a living, breathing heart that remembers what it wants to remember and is linked to so many songs, images, textures, scents, and meaningless everyday objects?

When and how do you accept dreams as simply dreams? How do you send or ignore texts, emails, Facebook messages, phone calls, and the strange telepathic/sympathetic system it took years to create?

How do you say “no” to one more try? One more weekend in the college town where you met? One more trip to an isolated, warm Gulf Coast beach in the midst of an Arctic blast? One more lunch at a favorite Tex-Mex restaurant? One more beer session at a favorite tavern? One more kiss …

To tell you the truth, gentle readers, I apologize because I have no answers for you.

This morning, Meredith Baxter announced on the Today show that she was a lesbian. Rumors had circulated for years. The announcement came after The National Enquirer printed an article that she had been vacationing “on a lesbian cruise.”

“I guess I wanted to… say that I’m a lesbian,” Baxter revealed. “It was a later-in-life recognition of that fact.”

The 62-year-old actress has been living life as a lesbian for 7 years and acknowledged that she has been in a relationship for 4 years with contractor Nancy Locke. She asserts that it was only after becoming involved with another woman that she realized why her three marriages to men ended in divorce.

“I got involved with someone I never expected to get involved with and it was that kind of awakening and I never fought it because it was like, ‘Oh! I understand why I had the issues I had early in my life,’” Baxter said. She continued: “I had a great deal of difficulty connecting with men in relationships… Sometimes, I assumed I was a bad picker … because there were problems with the people I chose. It never occurred to me to think, ‘Oh, it’s me.’”

It’s never too late to find the happiness that your heart is leading you to.

From a Saturday night conversation:

“If you haven’t dated at least one nutjob, you have NEVER set foot inside a lesbian bar.”

***** NEW POST ***** If you haven’t already seen it, check out The Dyke Whisperer’s New Contributor at: Life in the Fast Lane

Lesbians take too long breaking up.  When it’s over, it’s over.

The desperate, angry attempts to sustain a dead relationship kill the possibility of a friendship. If you’re fighting to keep a relationship alive, it’s the wrong relationship.

It took me YEARS to learn this: choose your fights carefully. Fighting for someone or something you WANT is one thing; fighting for someone or something you NEED is another. Fighting for someone/something you WANT is short-sighted and draining and, unfortunately, compromises our spirit and energy when we have to fight for someone/something we NEED.

I believe we need to fight for ourselves and our own best interests. We need to determine what’s best for US. To consider and refine OUR dreams. To identify and wish upon OUR stars.

I advise you not to diminish your potential and not to waste your time trying to change water into wine. Here’s a gem of wisdom for you: you can’t change anybody. I know it’s frustrating because you can see the potential someone has and know that, with a few (seemingly) minor tweaks, she would be an ideal companion for you. The problem is, the tweaks won’t be minor to her and, sadly, the potential you see is in YOUR heart and mind and not in her composition as a person. In reality, she just isn’t who you think she CAN be.

That realization sucks, by the way.

*** NEW POST*** If you haven’t already seen it, check out The Dyke Whisperer’s New Contributor at: Life in the Fast Lane

Another Friday … it’s been a trying week, but that’s all behind us now.

It’s Halloween for those of us in the States. Remember what it felt like to be a kid in costume? I encourage you to try and recapture that feeling. Hell, try to recapture it every day.

This is it. The one life you get. Make a point to enjoy it this weekend.

If you haven’t already seen it, check out The Dyke Whisperer’s New Contributor at: Life in the Fast Lane

So, it’ll be a fight. My buddy’s lab results returned with the somber news that cancer cells were indeed present.

So what do you do? You get ready for a fight, a long fight. No time for reflection or worry. This is where the big girls step up and throw down.

Sometimes all you can do is be grateful that you have the strength, patience, optimism, and knowledge to stand beside her, to fight alongside her — even when she may be too tired or scared to fight.

Personally, I won’t back down, and I won’t run away. I’m taking a stand. I signed on today for the whole duration.

Fuck cancer.

If you haven’t already seen it, check out The Dyke Whisperer’s New Contributor at: Life in the Fast Lane

Lesbi-assholes, cheating girlfriends, bad days at work, missed opportunities, and unrequited love — all of these seem insignificant when a buddy is waiting on the results of a biopsy.

We should never take our time for granted because it might be more limited than we think. We should spend our time on those who deserve our time. We should shed our tears for those that deserve them. We should conserve our energy for those times in life where we’ll have to be strong.

Being a young lesbian at an ultra-conservative state university (often sited in polls as being the most conservative public school in the US), I clung to the small group of friends I had. We were the freaks who didn’t fit in because of our sexuality, the way we dressed, the music we listened to, the politics we advocated, the civil rights we supported.

Now, I seek out and offer assistance whenever I can to gay youth groups and certain individuals who seem to have had a particularly tough road as they try to find their way through young adulthood.

There are so many organizations established to provide assistance and support to students and young people that belong to certain religious organizations or share a certain ancestry. In certain conservative parts of the US, young gays are virtually on their own as they struggle to grow up and find their place in an increasingly impersonal world.

We owe it to each other — because no one else is going to do it — we owe it to each other to help each other.

Take the time to offer support, assistance, guidance, and strength. If you are an out and proud youngster, don’t be afraid to ask for and accept help.

The process by which lizards regrow their injured and discarded tails is called autotomy. There are planes along which the lizard’s tail snaps off. Meanwhile, the lizard contracts his muscles, minimizing the bleeding from his wound. The regeneration of his tale begins immediately.

After witnessing a young friend have her heart excised, slammed to the ground, trampled, and spat upon by her girlfriend (now ex-girlfriend, obviously) … after hearing similar tales of betrayal and deceit at the table where we sat trying to console our despondent friend … after wondering how anyone could be so adept at such icy cruelty and pathological deception, I realized that our hearts must be capable of autotomy as well.

We tighten up and try to minimize the bleeding.  In the warmth of the support of our friends and with even a minimal trace of optimism, our hearts begin to regenerate.

Mean people truly do suck, but they can’t permanently crush our hearts and they can’t steal our dreams.