From a Saturday night conversation:
“If you haven’t dated at least one nutjob, you have NEVER set foot inside a lesbian bar.”
***** NEW POST ***** If you haven’t already seen it, check out The Dyke Whisperer’s New Contributor at: Life in the Fast Lane
Dear Dyke Whisperer, My family lives in Virginia. I moved to Florida to go to school and now I work here. I have always gone back to Virginia for Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter, and other holidays.
I have recently (two weeks ago) started dating a girl who is beautiful but may be crazy. I don’t know if she’s crazy or not because we haven’t known each other that long.
She seems to have a hard time making up her mind about anything. I decided to stay in Florida so that WE could have a Thanksgiving together. We planned it! I learned last night that she might go out of town to celebrate Thanksgiving with HER family, leaving me alone for a couple of days.
WTF?
Am I wrong to be pissed off?
Pissed off, right or wrong, in Tampa
Dear Tampa,
Two issues:
She does sound somewhat flighty to me, but you don’t know her history. If you have a reliable car, drive to Virginia for the weekend. Yes, it’s rude of her to change plans on you, but it was unwise of you to alter your traditional plans because of someone you’ve just met.
Kiss her and go to Virginia. Text or call her over your break. Arrange to have a nice dinner on Sunday (or whenever you return). Start over. Break the trend! Refuse to let Holidays be the source of stress and anger!
Dear Dyke Whisperer, I have fallen in love with a girl who is not romantically attracted to me. She doesn’t see me that way. We get along and we enjoy spending time together. Meanwhile, I get to watch her chase other girls.
She knows how I feel about her because I told her. I have tried to stay away from her, but that makes me miserable.
Do you have any suggestions?
Miserable
Dear Miserable,
Unrequited love and unfulfilled romantic longings. Yes, I know how much it hurts. Sometimes, if you are patient, the object of your heart may recognize you, may see you as a potential lover one day. There’s no guarantee though.
Sometimes, over time, we learn that the object of our desires isn’t quite who we thought she was. Maybe lust or love disguised or hid unattractive qualities and personality flaws.
I’ve seen it go both ways.
If I were you? I’d be patient, but, then again, I have some masochistic tendencies and a high tolerance for alcohol.
In any event, I’m sorry you’re hurting — and I do empathize with you.
Let me be clear: DON’T CHEAT. Just don’t do it. Break up with your girlfriend/partner/wife BEFORE pursuing another woman.
IS THAT CLEAR ENOUGH?
No excuse. There’s just no excuse. And, if you’re caught, you deserve what you get. You really do.
***** NEW POST ***** If you haven’t already seen it, check out The Dyke Whisperer’s New Contributor at: Life in the Fast Lane
You want your current girlfriend to hate you — REALLY hate you? Then pursue another woman, begin a relationship with that woman, and THEN break up with your girlfriend.
Please … break up with her if you don’t want her. Don’t tolerate her presence until you firmly have your disgusting hands on the next girlfriend.
Oh … and saying that you want “to be friends” with her — after she KNOWS you’re already with someone else and were deceiving her the last [insert number here] months of your relationship — MAKES IT MUCH WORSE.
Less than two weeks ago, a friend texted me the news that lab results of a biopsy indicated that she had cancerous cells in her body. The entire process was scary and stressful, as you either know or can imagine.
This past Friday, as I reminisced with an old friend about our crazy past, we were inspired to call another old friend. I called as she was waiting to undergo a biopsy. I had no idea. She had informed only a few people of the presence of lumps in both breasts.
She underwent a biopsy and received the news yesterday: the lumps are malignant and she will have to undergo a double-mastectomy.
They are both ultra-feisty women, brawlers and bad-asses. Both will survive. One is a protege, and one is a hero of mine. Both will receive an unending supply of my love, affection, support, strength, inappropriate humor and optimism.
We are warriors and nurturers. We will fight this together.
Once again, with feeling — fuck cancer.
Love you LB and KF.
Lesbians take too long breaking up. When it’s over, it’s over.
The desperate, angry attempts to sustain a dead relationship kill the possibility of a friendship. If you’re fighting to keep a relationship alive, it’s the wrong relationship.
Dear Dyke Whisperer, Here’s a practical question for you … what’s the BEST gift to get your girlfriend?
Waiting in San Diego
Dear Waiting, If you’ve been reading for a while, you know I won’t give you a conventional answer to a seemingly simple, straightforward question.
I think the best gift to offer to your girlfriend (assuming she’s worthy of your devotion) is your consistent, persistent, and honest love.
Yes, I’m a big sap sometimes.
It took me YEARS to learn this: choose your fights carefully. Fighting for someone or something you WANT is one thing; fighting for someone or something you NEED is another. Fighting for someone/something you WANT is short-sighted and draining and, unfortunately, compromises our spirit and energy when we have to fight for someone/something we NEED.
I believe we need to fight for ourselves and our own best interests. We need to determine what’s best for US. To consider and refine OUR dreams. To identify and wish upon OUR stars.
I advise you not to diminish your potential and not to waste your time trying to change water into wine. Here’s a gem of wisdom for you: you can’t change anybody. I know it’s frustrating because you can see the potential someone has and know that, with a few (seemingly) minor tweaks, she would be an ideal companion for you. The problem is, the tweaks won’t be minor to her and, sadly, the potential you see is in YOUR heart and mind and not in her composition as a person. In reality, she just isn’t who you think she CAN be.
That realization sucks, by the way.
*** NEW POST*** If you haven’t already seen it, check out The Dyke Whisperer’s New Contributor at: Life in the Fast Lane
Dear Dyke Whisperer, I have a problem. I’ll make it short and sweet. My girlfriend treats me well in private but like shit in public. She’s always trying to be the “Player” whenever we’re around friends or women in general. Once we get back home, she’s sweet again. I have talked to her about it. She changes her behavior for a little while but then starts acting like a jerk again.
Do I talk to her AGAIN? Or, what?
Angry in Austin
Dear Angry,
You know, if she needs that much attention from your friends and other women, dump her ass. You shouldn’t need to tell your girlfriend to treat you better in public. She’s an asshole for being an asshole to you around others, and she’s being totally fake as well.
How do you know which one is the real girlfriend? The nice one or the jerk? Truth is, you DON’T know which one is real, although you thought you did at one point. Dump her attention-whore ass and find a grown-up.
