The Dyke Whisperer

Love and marriage. A Valentine’s Day post on the subjects of love and marriage. Note that “subjects” is plural. These are two different — and sometimes sadly unrelated — concepts: one a social and legal institution; the other a state of enlightened and elated existence.

Marriage is a religious rite that has come to have legal meaning. With the legal status of marriage in the US, two people receive a multitude of benefits — tax, insurance, decision-making, inheritance, etc. — not afforded to single people.

Any man can marry any woman in the US if they are of legal age, provided they are not brother and sister and not already legally married to someone else. Meth-heads, crack-heads, heroin addicts, child molesters, rapists, murderers, assholes … ANY man and ANY woman of legal age can get married to each other as long as they are not brother and sister or married to another. They can be teenagers, con-artists, liars, gluttons, misogynists, psychotics, neurotics, control-freaks … motivation is never questioned. They can be mentally retarded. They can have Down’s Syndrome. Bedroom practices are never probed and evaluated based on a perception of normalcy. Psychological profiles are never administered.

All of a sudden, though, when it comes to gays getting married, some people view this as a moral affront: WE MUST PROTECT THE SANCTITY OF MARRIAGE, never mentioning the commonality of divorce, the rising numbers of domestic abuse cases, the prevalence of infidelity, and the number of married couples who tolerate each other just because a divorce would cause them the inconvenience of separating their entangled assets.

I have seen couples in love, and it is truly a beautiful sight. It is also a rarity. Gay and straight, old and young, these couples exhibit traits that exemplify the power and scope that is love. Some are legally married, some consider themselves married, and some are not married. Their love is palpable, real, honest, tangible, and shining. It is pleasurable to be around them, to see that love does exists at a level that poets and playwrights have been describing for thousands of years. Love brings out the best in people.

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I am a strong and vocal advocate for full and equal gay marriage rights. Why? Because we are US citizens who pay taxes and should be afforded the same rights as other US citizens. It’s a matter of equity, of egalitarianism. It’s the principles (though sometimes not the practices) on which the country was founded. These principles have evolved thankfully so now African Americans are considered full citizens and women can vote.

If a person does not agree that gays should marry because of religious beliefs, fine. Join a church that does not sanctify gay marriages. There are religions that forbid the eating of shellfish and pork. There are those that believe a raped woman should be punished. There are those that advocate the handling of snakes, the wearing of magic underwear, and the worshiping of Satan. I think these people are goofy (and dangerous) as hell, but I would never dream of curtailing their religious beliefs (unless it involved the sexual assault of children, as in the case of pedophile cults). They, in turn, need to stay the fuck away from my legal rights.

What exactly is the threat of gay marriage? The moral destruction of society? Look around you, watch the shocking news stories of the day: war, financial corruption of an infinite degree, “kill parties” where fathers decimate their entire families, boyfriends slamming toddlers against walls, pestilence, poverty — and some people are threatened by GAY MARRIAGE? Give me a fucking break.

But, you know what? It’s Valentine’s Day, an artificial holiday with roots in ancient Rome. It’s a day to talk about love, flowers, chocolates, and sentiments both real and staged. Right?

EVERY day should be a celebration of love, true love. It’s this simple: love is about selflessness, affection, intimacy, trust, and respect. There is no sacrifice involved: it’s not a sacrifice to want to make a loved one happy.

You don’t “work” on love — it either exists or it doesn’t. Love does not insult, and it does not neglect. It does not allow for mind-fucking, belittling, malice, manipulation, and violence of ANY kind, under ANY circumstances.

It is NOT a quid pro quo system: I’ll do x, if you do y. I’ll let you go shopping, if you let me go bowling. It’s not a negotiation. It’s not temporary. It doesn’t ebb and flow. Don’t believe me? All you need to do is watch two people who are in love interact.

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I can be prevented from marrying, but I can still be in love. Others can marry freely but may never experience the joy, liberation, and intensity of being in love. That’s really the sum of it.

To tell you the truth, I’d rather have it that way. And, although we may not have access to the over 1,500 various rights that straight people of ANY moral, financial, and psychological composition can obtain, we can still experience true love. They can’t take that away from us. No one can take that away from us.

On a personal note, given the choice between a legal marriage devoid of true love and an unsanctioned, outlaw union based on love, I’ll take the latter every time. Every damn time.

Best regards to all of you, all the time. The Spring is approaching. I can feel it. It’s time to saddle-up and search for windmills.