The Dyke Whisperer

Dear Dyke Whisperer, My girlfriend’s mother is a horrible person. At first, I used to think she just hated me, but I’ve had the opportunity to see her treat everyone like shit. To keep the peace in our apartment, I’m going to buy her a Christmas present. What should I get her?

Insincere in Detroit

Dear Insincere,

Buy her some fancy scented candles that have a strong, wretched aroma. Sulphur would be an excellent choice. Make sure to wrap them in an elaborate fashion.

Dear Dyke Whisperer, Do you think we’ll ever achieve equality in our lifetime?

Just Asking in Orlando

Dear Just Asking,

I don’t know. We have to keep fighting for equality individually and collectively. We have to embrace this fight personally, completely, and continuously. It’s a struggle, and it won’t be easy.

We have to guard against complacency and disappointment. We’ll win eventually because we’re on the right side. In my lifetime? In your lifetime? Let’s assume we will if we fight hard enough, smart enough, valiantly enough, and long enough.

I apologize for the sporadic posting of late: I’ve been occupied and stressed with professional obligations and a few personal matters. Beyond that, there was travel, a nasty cold, Thanksgiving, the approaching Holidays … you understand, I’m sure.

I do appreciate your support and goodwill. Last week, at a local bar, I was both flattered and shocked to hear a lesbian couple discuss this blog! They were discussing the definition of love I presented several months ago. I had never met them or seen them before. That was an amazing feeling!

Thank all of you in California and elsewhere who have contributed to the effort to dispose of Proposition 8. We must not rest. Civil Unions? That’s crap. “Separate But Equal” equates to inequality, folks.

Stay sane during these trying economic times. Stay generous. Stay supportive. Give yourself a break from the news. Breathe. Love.

Most women, when stressed, need to know that we care enough about them to inquire as to the source of the stress. No, she probably won’t tell you what’s wrong the first time you ask. She might tell you one of the things that’s bothering her.

Keep asking.

Your persistence is tangible evidence to a reasonable but stressed woman that you care about her. Don’t dismiss her concerns. Simply discussing what’s bothering her will relieve some stress.

The reward for your persistence will be her trust and, in some cases, her heart.

If you’re insincere and just trying to score some cheap points by seeming to be sympathetic/empathetic, grow the fuck up.

Dear Dyke Whisperer, My girlfriend (we have dated for over a year) is going to another city to visit her parents for Christmas. They have invited me to visit too, but my girlfriend doesn’t want me to go. I’m confused and hurt. My family lives in another state so I’d probably end up spending Christmas alone or with friends. Am I making a big deal out of nothing?

Abandoned in Athens

Dear Abandoned,

Maybe there are things about your girlfriend’s family that she hasn’t discussed with you. Maybe it’s better for you not to go. There may be family conflicts, illness, and/or craziness at hand that she doesn’t want to expose you to. She may be protecting you. It’s her family; it’s her decision.

Make alternate plans. Have your own private Christmas celebration either before she leaves or after she returns.