The Dyke Whisperer

In California — a state with a large gay and lesbian population — we have been declared to be second-class citizens.

In California – a popular destination state for gays and lesbians on vacation — we have had our rights stripped from us.

There is something fundamentally, completely, and profoundly wrong with putting the rights of a minority up to a majority vote. If this were being done to almost any other minority, people would riot because of how un-American it is.

Dear Dyke Whisperer,

Despite what ALL of my friends told me, I continued to date someone much younger than I. She didn’t fulfill my needs as everyone expected – and love had me so blind. I sacrificed tons for her, and now it all seems for nothing. I recently broke up with her after about a month of talking to friends and evaluating my situation.

This past Saturday I met someone, and we hit it off amazingly. The downside is she wants no relationship whatsoever because she just got out of a serious five-year relationship in which she was under-appreciated and mistreated. I still love my ex, but, as of right now, the timing is all wrong. I am not sure how to handle her, nor do I know how to handle the new girl that I want to pursue. Please help – I’m slowly losing hope. I’m also an Aries if that gives an insight.

Befuddled in SA

Dear Befuddled,

First, let me direct you to this post. I stand by these suggestions.

By stating that you still love your ex-girlfriend and that “timing issues” doomed the relationship indicates that you are not in any way ready for a serious relationship with anyone else. By citing “timing issues,” you imply that the relationship could work in the future, which offers your ex hope of a reconciliation (if that’s what she wants). This is not fair to the ex or any other woman in your life. What happens when time and circumstances change — and we all know they will? Will you run back to the ex, causing a disturbance in her life? Is that what you want to do to someone who you describe as “young?”

Any new woman in your life deserves someone who is not in love with someone else, unless a strictly and explicitly casual relationship is what both of you want. That’s fine, but you need to discuss this from the onset.

Be careful of establishing a “revolving door,” where the ex comes in and out of your life, depending on whether you have someone else or not. This will be mentally and emotionally harmful to both of you, more so if she is young.

If you and the ex are meant to be together, it’ll happen. If you and the ex want to be together, it’ll happen. The key is to be honest with yourself, the ex, and every woman you date while you’re waiting for “timing issues” to resolve themselves or to be resolved.

Let’s not be blind here. There’s much work to do.

It seems as if Florida and Arizona will pass bans on gay marriage. Arkansas will pass a ban on the adoption of children by gays. As of this writing, we still don’t know what’s going to happen with Proposition 8 in California.

Equality for all Americans. Don’t rest, don’t relax, don’t sleep easy — until we all have the same rights under the same flag.

This is the start, not the end.

Yeah, I was hacked. Until I figure out how to “purify” the black layout, this will do for now.

Fate. Coincidence. Circumstance. Something even bigger, more encompassing, more powerful.

Or is it our egos that convince us that there are definite “signs” and multiple indicators that are pointing us in a certain direction and towards a certain person?

Sometimes, we get a second chance. Maybe even a third one. Maybe we get a second chance at a first chance, if we’re truly lucky.

I think I’m starting to sound like a country-western song now.