Following the Feeling
Dear Dyke Whisperer, I desperately want to get back with my girlfriend. We had a terrible fight. I was a jerk. I realize that now. I’ve been going crazy. I’m trying to get her to talk to me so I can apologize. I can’t sleep at night. Help!
Miserable in Madison
Dear Miserable,
Slow down. Give her some time. Don’t sound crazed and desperate because that might scare her or make you look unstable.
Have a short, sane conversation with her closest friend. Tell the friend you were a jerk and just want the chance to apologize. The friend’s reaction should provide you with critical information as to the state of mind of your ex. If the friend appears helpful and wants to listen to you, that’s a positive sign. If the friend wants nothing to do with you, that’s not so good.
Don’t talk to any other of her friends about this. Just one. Word will get back to her soon enough. You don’t want to make a dozen separate scenes of craziness in front of a dozen of her friends. If any of her friends approach you about the subject, assume all blame and responsibility for the fight and the unfortunate consequences of the fight.
Wait some more.
Buy/make her a gift. Nothing expensive or extravagant. Just something that you know will be meaningful to her.
Wait until she receives the gift.
Wait another day or two (hopefully, she’ll call).
If she doesn’t call, then call her and invite her to her favorite restaurant.
If she doesn’t answer or doesn’t call you back, you need to leave her alone. Maybe she’ll approach you in the future.
If she says “yes,” you better be one polite, solicitous, charming, compassionate, sweet lesbian. When you see her, apologize and change the topic. Enjoy the evening. Don’t expect this to be fixed during one dinner, though that’s what you’re hoping.
Give her space; give her time. Be courteous, respectful, available, open, and contrite.
Good luck!
