Hard Times
Dear Dyke Whisperer, I was just laid-off from my job last week. I could feel this coming, but I had hoped I was just being paranoid. I’m anxious, jumpy, and moody. My girlfriend is trying to be supportive, but whatever she (or anybody else) says seems to hurt my feelings or make me angry.
I’ve been the calm, strong one in the relationship. I’m certainly not either one right now. I just need space and can’t baby her right now during this personal crisis. How do I communicate this to her?
Freaked Out in Farmingdale
Dear Freaked Out,
You did a good job of communicating your sentiments to me. No one should be burdened with assuming the “calm, strong” role. Similarly, no one should be condemned to the “nervous, weak role.” We need to be able to take care of each other during times of crisis, which will always occur (eventually).
Tell her that you’re scared and worried. Tell her that you love her (if you do) but that, during this crisis, there’s a part of you that’s in survival mode. Continue: when you’re in survival mode, (1) you just won’t be able to give her the attention that she’s used to and (2) you expect her to provide you with comfort and support.
Depending on how ingrained your roles have been over the course of your relationship, she may or may not be able to deal with this request. For your sake, I hope she’s a reasonable woman and not a spoiled, intentionally pseudo-helpless girl. You’re about to find out for yourself. Good luck!
