Patience Needed
Dear Dyke Whisperer, I really like a girl who has been through some rough times emotionally. I know that she’s still not over her ex. They were together over three years and have been apart for about three months. We have been spending a lot of time together, and I think I’m falling for her. I know this is risky because I have a feeling that if the ex were to show up she would go right back to her. She doesn’t talk about her ex much but, when she does, she gets pretty emotional.
I think about this girl all the time and even dream about her at night. Sometimes she seems to like me as a friend; sometimes it seems that she has romantic feelings for me. Do you think it’s too early to pursue a relationship with her under these circumstances? Do you think I’d just be her “rebound?” I’m confused and totally infatuated.
Going Crazy in Tampa
Dear Going Crazy,
You’ll have to be patient. She may have good days when she’s ready to move on, followed by bad days when she’s overcome by feelings of melancholy and regret. It takes some time to get over a long relationship and even more time to get over the reasons for the breakup.
One risk to you is, as you help her get over her ex by being her trustworthy, dependable, loving, and supportive friend, you may be helping to heal her for someone else. That’s just the reality of it.
The other risk, as you pointed out, is that she may reconcile with her ex if given the opportunity.
Don’t expect too much from her at this point. Choose to be her friend if you want but don’t allow yourself to fall head over heels for her. Yes, I realize that it’s easier said than done and that emotions are difficult to control with rationality.
