Desire and Love
Dear Dyke Whisperer, Can you distinguish between love and desire? Can you have love without desire?
Lisa in Newark
This is a deep philosophical question that has been discussed thoroughly throughout the centuries, but I’ll try to provide a short, meaningful answer.
When you desire a woman, you want to get something from her. If you seek sensual pleasure from a woman, you desire her.
When you love a woman, you want to give something to her — and you do not require anything in return. There is no obligation in love.
Desire is the foundation of relationships based on utility or pleasure. There is a time element to desire: “I want you now.” “I need you.”
Love is more permanent. Additionally, love involves giving freely with no expectation of a return of love. Love is never based on a fair exchange, as are associations for utility or pleasure.
Obviously, you can have desire without love.
I believe you can have love without desire, but this would reflect a platonic love.
In erotic love, unselfish desire comes into play as well, where one’s primary and ultimate motives are to provide rather than to receive sensual pleasure, or to engage in a mutually satisfying union.
