Yes, we’ve all heard about. We’ve all made fun of it. We’ve all experienced it.
Most of the time, it’s a gigantic pain in the ass. Sometimes, though, it causes us to open our eyes and reflect on the past and change courses for the future. Sometimes, it brings us home.
Dear Dyke Whisperer, Why don’t women just tell you what they want from you?
Pissed Off and Confused in Dayton
Dear Pissed off and Confused,
Most women do tell you what they want. You’re just not tuned in to the way they communicate. Sometimes extra effort is needed because they desire this extra effort. It demonstrates they you care enough to make the extra effort.
Other women may not know what they want at the moment or in the given situation.
Dear Dyke Whisperer, For the last month, a woman has been pursuing me very enthusiastically. She’s really not my type, but she’s very genuine and nice. She listens to me and cares about me. We’ve been getting closer, and I know she likes me.
So, three nights ago, we had a conversation where we talked about some of our biggest regrets. One of mine is having sex with the one lesbian in town that everyone seems to disrespect. It was a stupid drunken decision I made over a year ago.
Since that conversation, the woman who was interested in me has stopped calling and only texts me when I text her first. It just hasn’t been the same between us. When I told her this, I could see that it really bothered her. She tried to hide it, but she was pretty upset. What should I do?
Sorry in Stillwater
Dear Sorry,
Sometimes, our attraction to a woman can diminish or stop if we find out that she’s had sex with someone we find repulsive, corrupt, or otherwise flawed. It might not seem logical, but attraction doesn’t function on rationality.
I suggest you give her some time. She’s probably processing the conversation. She might realize that you are not tainted by a single drunken act; however, she might lose interest altogether. It depends on
Let her mull this over. Text her a couple of times during the day but keep it light. If she wants to discuss the drunken encounter further and you’re agreeable to that, keep your explanation as short and emotionless as possible. Just say it was a mistake. Take responsibility and try to move on. Don’t provide details of the encounter.
Even if it’s really scary to let go and pursue a worthy woman, you just need to do it.
Possible humiliation and heartache are small, temporary costs compared to regret and never knowing if she feels the same way. Be cautious but move forward — but it must be for a woman who’s worth the risk.
So, who’s worth the risk?
When you’re at work, work. When you go out on the town, party. When you are in a beautiful natural setting, breathe. When you’re at home, relax. When you’re with the woman you love, love her. When you’re with friends, laugh. When you’re with assholes, leave.
Remove negativity from your life; keep negative people at a distance if you must deal with them at all, which I don’t recommend.
Always make time for those you cherish.
Protect those who can’t protect themselves. It’s your responsibility.
Be patient with children, the elderly, and pets.
Tip well.
Stand up to bullies.
Strive for balance.
Know your priorities and abide by them. Make adjustments when necessary.
Recently, I received an e-mail message informing me of a group called 8 Against 8. Eight lesbian bloggers have joined forces to help promote awareness of California’s Prop 8, an initiative to eliminate the rights of same-sex couples in California.
This “California Marriage Protection Act” needs to be sent back to Hell, where it originated.
If you are in California, please vote “NO” on Proposition 8. If you are elsewhere, please consider helping these eight bloggers reach their goal of collecting $8,000 by October 27, 2008 to support the defeat of this repulsive piece-of-shit legislation. Visit 8against8.com. Donations of ANY size are welcome and encouraged.
By the way, although my responses and commentary are carefully considered and based on experience, I sometimes ignore the very advice I provide to others. Ignore it completely.
There’s a toll road that links the heart and the brain. I seem to have run out of currency and spare change. Never could tame either organ, despite my best efforts.
Every woman needs a night out. With all this unsettling economic news and constant political bickering, we must make time for silly and/or indulgent evenings.
Go out with your friends. Have a romantic dinner with a lover. Share a meal with an old friend. Grab a coffee with that woman you have a crush on. Drink a beer with a buddy or the friendly regulars at a neighborhood bar. Try to make a new friend by inviting an acquaintance to view a sporting event, see a comedy at the movies, attend a local cultural event, or play miniature golf.
Make a point to have a good time. You deserve it; we all deserve it.
Dear Dyke Whisperer, I have a good relationship with my ex. We go out to lunch regularly and have great conversations. We never talk about dating or our interest in other women. I have recently started dating someone. Should I tell my ex or wait for her to bring up the subject of dating and a new love interest?
Husker in Lincoln
Dear Husker,
Tell your ex. If you have the same friends and have told them, she likely already knows.
If you want to be friends with an ex, you must treat her as you would your regular friends — with openness and respect. Start now. If she still has feelings for you, it will be obvious. Maybe you suspect that and don’t want to hurt her. However, what will really hurt her feelings is finding out about you and a new lover from friends or acquaintances rather than you.
Dear Dyke Whisperer, I really like a girl who has been through some rough times emotionally. I know that she’s still not over her ex. They were together over three years and have been apart for about three months. We have been spending a lot of time together, and I think I’m falling for her. I know this is risky because I have a feeling that if the ex were to show up she would go right back to her. She doesn’t talk about her ex much but, when she does, she gets pretty emotional.
I think about this girl all the time and even dream about her at night. Sometimes she seems to like me as a friend; sometimes it seems that she has romantic feelings for me. Do you think it’s too early to pursue a relationship with her under these circumstances? Do you think I’d just be her “rebound?” I’m confused and totally infatuated.
Going Crazy in Tampa
Dear Going Crazy,
You’ll have to be patient. She may have good days when she’s ready to move on, followed by bad days when she’s overcome by feelings of melancholy and regret. It takes some time to get over a long relationship and even more time to get over the reasons for the breakup.
One risk to you is, as you help her get over her ex by being her trustworthy, dependable, loving, and supportive friend, you may be helping to heal her for someone else. That’s just the reality of it.
The other risk, as you pointed out, is that she may reconcile with her ex if given the opportunity.
Don’t expect too much from her at this point. Choose to be her friend if you want but don’t allow yourself to fall head over heels for her. Yes, I realize that it’s easier said than done and that emotions are difficult to control with rationality.
