Old Flame Re-Ignites
Dear Dyke Whisperer, I dated a girl for four months and believed that I was in love with her and that we were in love with each other. We had the most unbelievable chemistry! She suddenly broke up with me, and I was devastated. It took me a year before I could even begin to think about dating again.
So I have been casually dating other girls. I’ve been avoiding any kind of emotional attachment. Last night, I received a text message from the girl I was in love with telling me that she’s sorry, she’s in love with me, and that she wants me back.
I am now insane. I would appreciate any advice you have to offer.
Fucked up in Houston
Dear Houston,
You have described a situation that can be mentally and emotionally overwhelming. It sounds like you are dealing with a variety of conflicting emotions, including love, anger, resentment, and joy. This could prove to be an exhausting time for you.
I think you want to give her another chance, hold her in your arms, and tell her that you love her. Simultaneously, you probably want to insult her and have her explain (to your satisfaction) why she inexplicably dumped you when things were going so well.
You want to forgive her and punish her. You can’t do both because, if you do, the magic I believe you want to feel again will be broken. So, you must choose which option you’ll pursue. You must either forgive her completely and give her another chance or insult her and cut her out of your life completely.
Putting her “on probation,” where you kind of take her back but not wholeheartedly, is an extremely short-term strategy. You either love her and want her back or you don’t. Either accept her now or reject her.
How do you know she won’t do the same thing again? You don’t. So, ask yourself: is she worth the risk? There are no guarantees in life and love, although, sometimes, in our vanity, we believe there are. If the answer is “yes,” love her for all you’re worth, knowing that you acted in good faith. If your answer is “no,” get on with your life and leave her and her memory in the past.
