From the Younger Lesbian’s Perspective …
It is common in the lesbian community for older women to date and/or partner with younger women. From the younger woman’s perceptive, it is flattering to be pursued by, or to successfully pursue, a more experienced, sometimes more sophisticated, woman. The younger woman, in this pairing, receives a lover, a mentor, and a role model — all in one package.
The younger woman often acquiesces to her older partner’s decisions and opinions, resulting in a more relaxed and passive existence. The younger lesbian benefits from the professional, familial, financial, and social capital of her older girlfriend/partner.
Problems may emerge, though, as the younger partner begins to mature and to become less dependent on the older one. As the younger woman establishes this independence, resentment sometimes builds in the older one, who has become accustomed to being the more dominant member in the relationship. Many relationships are doomed because of this inevitable struggle: the younger woman needs to push the boundaries and change the nature of the relationship to stay happy, empowered, and vibrant; the older woman seeks to maintain them to feel secure, needed, and valued.
As the younger woman, be sensitive to this. Assure your older girlfriend/partner that you still love, need, and respect her. Tell her that the reason you are SO confident is BECAUSE of her and her support. Don’t become her rival and don’t try to blatantly assert your independence in front of friends and associates.
