The Dyke Whisperer

Dear Dyke Whisperer, I just need some general advice on women. I’m 22 and recently out. I see too few stable relationships and it scares me.

Dear Sara,

These are small bits of “wisdom” excavated over the years. Feel free to ask more specific questions in the future.

1. Tell smart girls that they are pretty and tell pretty girls that they are smart. This is not to be taken literally, of course. The point is that women need to be acknowledged as complete individuals — explicitly and often.
2. Give every woman one chance. Give a select few a second chance. Don’t give any a third chance. The exception is physical violence: if someone hits you once, leave. If someone drives you — and you’re normally a calm person — to consider violence, leave.
3. Any woman who will fuck over a friend will fuck you over if given the need and opportunity.
4. Selfish people rarely become unselfish. It’s NOT a question of immaturity if they’re over 25.
5. Some women really do love drama and seek it out constantly. If she’s always in crisis mode, that’s just normal for her.
6. Listen to her. Really listen. All the time. Even if you’re tired.
7. Be wary of anyone who is established in an area but doesn’t seem to have any friends.
8. Shun any woman who is cruel to children, the elderly, animals, or service workers.
9. Avoid women who seem to have an endless legion of “psycho exes” in their past or present. They CHOSE their partners. They CHOOSE their narratives. They CHOOSE their next “psycho ex.”
10. NEVER enter into a legal agreement (e.g., car loan, lease, mortgage, joint bank account, etc.) with anyone whom you have dated (exclusively) for less than three uninterrupted years.
11. If a woman is with you because you pay for everything, she will leave you for someone with more money.
12. If a woman is with you because you allow her to pay for everything, she will expect blind obedience from you — at any cost.
13. There are good, sane women available for you to date. Be patient.
14. Fortitude, courage, honor, and strength have NOTHING to do with the words “butch” and “femme.”
15. Don’t hold every woman responsible for what one or two evil ones do to you or have done to you.
16. Being the perpetual “caretaker” is as pathetic as being the perpetual “victim.” These relationships ALWAYS end and NEVER end well.
17. Leave social role-playing to the heteros.
18. Be yourself. Forever. Love someone who loves you, as you are. It may take some time before you find each other.
19. You can’t judge a person’s worth by the clothes they wear or the bands they like.
20. Read #18 again.

This entry was posted on Thursday, February 21st, 2008 at 3:56 pm and is filed under Advice, Solicited and Otherwise. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.