Here’s Looking at You, Kid
Dear Dyke Whisperer, I have been dating a pretty girl for 6 weeks. She told me two nights ago that she has a five-year-old kid. I was in shock! She had never mentioned the kid before, and there was no evidence that a child lives in her apartment. She started crying and said that she didn’t tell me because she was afraid to lose me, that other women left her because of the kid. I told her I needed time to think. The kid doesn’t bother me. It’s the fact that she never mentioned the kid. Any advice?
Terri in Queens
Dear Terri,
Normally, my advice would be to change your number and avoid this young woman. What other secrets is she keeping? However, I suggest you give her one grand chance. Invite her to dinner and ask her if she has anything else she would like to tell you. Smile and explain to her that this is not a trial: you just believe trust is critical to a relationship. Give her the chance to air any issues. If you have anything to tell her about your past, now is the time to do it.
If she doesn’t tell you anything too bizarre, tell her you would like to meet the child (if you indeed want to). You take on some serious responsibility when dating a woman with a youngster, especially if the little one bonds with you.
Go slow. Take your time. Evaluate. Watch how she interacts with the child. Is she a devoted mother? Ask her who and where the father is and if he has a place in the kid’s life. If he does, you’re, in essence, dating him (and his family) as well. If the family situation is unstable and/or hostile, that’s the reason you should avoid dating this woman.
