All By Herself
Dear Dyke Whisperer, I’m single and I’m okay with it. However, none of my coupled friends will invite me to any of their events without trying to set me up with someone. Really, I’m happy being by myself. How can I communicate this to them without being rude?
Happily Single in Houston
Dear Houston,
Identify the more sane and stable group members and tell them that you are not interested in dating someone right now. Tell them several times. Tell them that it bothers you when they try to set you up with somebody. Be serious when you tell them this — no smiling; no joking. Don’t waste your breath on explanations to the unstable, malicious, or persistent women: they won’t believe you.
The dark interpretation of the situation: Certain couples or groups of couples — particularly those comprised of insecure individuals — are threatened by single women. To some, you are a direct and immediate threat. There is a drive to pair you up quickly to decrease this threat. They visualize you stealing their partners. You are viewed with suspicion while single.
Here is an alternative explanation: These could be deliriously happy couples who believe you’re missing out on bliss and fulfillment. They sincerely want to see you as satisfied as they are. They believe they are doing you a great favor.
Of course, depending on the group(s) you associate with, both dynamics could be at work at the same event — with some coupled individuals viewing you as a threat and some trying to “complete” you.
Either situation grows stale quickly. It might be time for you to seek out other groups, maybe socialize with some progressive straight people for a while. I’m not saying that you should abandon your circle of friends, but you might want to dilute any pressure you’re feeling by expanding your social horizon.
