Group Dynamics
Dear Dyke Whisperer, I moved to Baltimore recently and didn’t know anyone here. I desperately want a girlfriend (I’ve been single for over two years), but I am not a big group person. I hate cliques. Despite this, I identified a lesbian group and have been trying to find some kind of love connection. There’s one woman in this group that has caught me eye. However, the group’s “Chieftain,” as you say, keeps hitting on me. She’s married but that doesn’t stop her from aggressively hitting on me. How can I pursue the woman I want and not deal with this harassment?
Being Harassed in Baltimore
I can understand that you are repulsed by talk of groups and group dynamics, but lesbians tend to move and dwell in groups. Accept or reject funny names, but group dynamics are critical for lesbian dating in the US, regardless of setting.
In my experience, if a woman rejects a Chieftain, the Chieftain doubles or triples her efforts. If that is unsuccessful, she’ll either pursue someone else, insinuate that she slept with the “rejector” and was disappointed, or ignore her. Chieftains don’t have long attention spans.
Although repulsive and irritating, as long as the Chieftain isn’t a physical threat, it might be worth it to put up with her antics for a while if it lets you have more ready access to the woman you’re attracted to.
