Technique Critique
Dear Dyke Whisperer, My girlfriend of 3 months has made some comments about my sexual “techniques” and how she would like me to change them. I’m deeply hurt and offended. Should I just end this relationship?
Offended in Ohio
Dear Offended,
Take it easy! I don’t know how this sensitive topic was approached, but I would hope that you would appreciate your girlfriend’s candor and willingness to communicate with you openly about such a delicate topic. So many lesbian relationships begin to disintegrate because such discussions never occur.
Use this as an opportunity to establish a healthy line of communication. Her “technique critique” — and your attempt to refine your ways and please her — will only strengthen your relationship. Of course, don’t do anything that you find personally humiliating, distasteful, or dangerous; however, a little variety and some adjustments might make your relationship stronger and more vital. Who knows? You might really enjoy these modifications.
There is a chance that she wants you to engage in acts that you find humiliating, distasteful, or dangerous; yet, she finds alluring, satisfying, and necessary. If this is the case, you two are not sexually compatible and should end the relationship. Such incompatibility will inevitably lead to misery and infidelity — as one of you seeks that which the other either cannot or will not provide, and the other begins to develop feelings of inadequacy.
There is no “good woman/bad woman” dichotomy here. You might simply be incompatible. It is not a universal evaluation of a sexual technique: it is one woman’s opinion. So, if the requested adjustments are minor and acceptable (in your estimation), by all means, give it a try. You might be pleasantly surprised at her reaction and yours as well. If the requested adjustments are beyond acceptance, end the relationship in a civil manner and search for someone more aligned with your preferences.
In any event, try to tame your emotions when discussing sexual techniques with girlfriends or potential girlfriends. Some women believe that frank and open discussions about sex compromise romanticism. The opposite is true. Open discussions on any topic — especially one so intimate — strengthen emotional ties and enhance communication in general.
